Are You Experiencing Strain or Distance in Your Relationship?

Are you and your partner fighting a lot more than usual, or does it seem as if your busy schedules leave less and less time for each other, leading to feelings of disconnection in your relationship? Or, are you at the end of your rope with your relationship and wondering if it’s even possible to heal the growing rift between you and your other half? Maybe you worry that your partner has given up on you, and you feel frustrated, sad and lonely even when the two of you are together. Perhaps things are stable and happy most of the time, but you’ve begun to notice that you and your partner are bickering more and more, and wonder, When did we stop having fun with one another?  Perhaps you feel as though your relationship isn’t satisfying or meeting your needs. Do you feel resentment or anger toward your partner, especially if there has been a breach of trust or a prolonged lack of intimacy? Do you wish you could restore joy in your relationship, rediscover what initially drew you together and feel loved and wanted again?

You may no longer feel as though you can express your needs and desires with confidence that they will be heard and valued, and you may find it increasingly difficult to clearly communicate the things that are important to you, especially if you’re dealing with frustration, anger, fear of rejection or other difficult emotions. Perhaps your partner only half responds to you, and you feel ignored and unappreciated. You might feel stuck in a routine and have begun to believe that romance can no longer exist within your relationship. Maybe you feel as though your relationship just isn’t meeting the expectations you hold for it, leading to sadness, emptiness and doubt. If things have felt strained for a while, you may have already made a decision to end the relationship, but feel obligated to hang on to avoid hurting your partner. Regardless of how severe your relationship issues have become, you have choices to make that can move you toward a more fulfilling, exciting and connected life.

All Couples Face Periods of Struggle and Disconnection

Given busier and busier work schedules, children and the many distractions technology offers us, it is more and more common for couples to lose their romantic edge and find that their connection, which was once so strong, has evolved into a bitter struggle about who is right and wrong. Conflict or disconnection with your partner can impact every aspect of your life, from your internal well-being to your ability to focus at work.

Relationship issues do not center on just one partner. Every relationship has a unique dynamic, and no one person is to blame. Unfortunately, many couples wait until one or both partners are fed up with the miscommunication, bickering and fighting, suffering more than necessary and potentially causing irreversible damage to their bond before they seek relationship counseling. Thankfully, whether you just want a relationship tune-up or you feel as though you’ve lost hope, there is a way to reconnect with your partner and begin feeling more confident in yourself and your relationship. With the support and guidance of an experienced therapist, you and your partner can work through challenging issues and feel heard, valued and worthwhile.

Couples Counseling Can Help You Get Reconnected and Empowered In Your Relationship

Couples counseling can have profound effects on an ailing relationship. By uncovering the couple’s basic defects in communication strategy and learning new and improved communication skills, you and your partner can begin engaging in ways that feel nourishing and respectful. For 20 years, I have been helping individuals and couples get to the root of their relationship values, needs and desires in order to express themselves with greater clarity, confidence and empathy. Couples counseling is a means to re-open both of your hearts and experience intimacy and affection in new and deeper ways.

During sessions, I can help you and your partner understand how your own personal backgrounds may be contributing to some of your relationship difficulties. In some cases, I may suggest that you seek professional help on an individual basis. Low self-esteem, unresolved emotional pain, past trauma and other mental health issues can have a serious impact on a relationship. By taking the time to care for yourself, you can also help heal your relationship dynamics. That doesn’t mean that either of you is at fault. I offer compassionate, non-judgmental sessions, and I will serve as your relationship coach to help you reach your goals.

Through couples counseling, you may begin to feel as though your partner is really in tune with you. In sessions, we will practice active listening, which is different than simply hearing your partner speak. You and your partner may be used to finishing one another’s sentences, but as time goes by, it’s important to acknowledge that this may no longer the case and closer examination of what you say to each other is required. Fortunately, reconnecting in this way is as simple as each of you extending effort and attention to truly hear and acknowledge what your partner is trying to say.

Therapy can also help each of you to get clear on your motivations for couples counseling and whether you want to make the relationship work or separate. In this process, you and your partner can take a look at everything that’s working in the relationship, as well as what is causing you pain and loneliness. As your therapist, I will stay devoted and committed to the welfare of the relationship and work with you both to discover new methods of problem solving, cooperation and compromise. If you and your partner do ultimately decide to separate, I can help you do so with as much care, clarity and healthy closure as possible.

As you build a greater inner resiliency and a stronger sense of self-worth, you may find that you want to spend time with your partner again. By developing new ways to communicate and connect, you and your partner may feel renewed and hopeful again. It is possible to learn the tools to nurture lasting love, intimacy, affection and respect.

So now you know couples counseling may be of help, but there still are some questions or concerns…

I’m concerned that my partner won’t want to come to couples counseling. Or, this is my partner’s problem, not mine.

Relationships are two-way streets. If there is a problem in yours, you and your partner each play a part in it. We choose our partners for specific reasons, and when issues arise, they present an opportunity to assess, learn and grow together. Sometimes, I will work with one partner at a time, but couples counseling is most effective when both partners agree to come together and offer up time, empathy and willingness to work through their issues.

Our issues are personal. I don’t want anyone to know our secrets.

While you may feel as though you are keeping your relationship issues a secret, it is likely that other people in your life already know that you and your partner are experiencing problems. Other people can see when you fight, bicker or ignore one another. And, conflict with your partner may be impacting your other relationships, including those with your friends, family members, and co-workers. I am an understanding therapist who will not judge you for anything you share during couples counseling sessions. Keeping your issues secret will only let them fester and grow worse. By speaking openly and honestly to each other with a helping professional in the room, you can resolve conflict, heal the hurts, and feel more empowered in your relationship and your life.

Everyone has problems. Maybe this is the best it can get.

You don’t have to settle for a dissatisfying, lonely or angry relationship. It is possible to create a relationship in which you are both engaged, supportive and fully present for one another. A healthy, happy relationship can also improve every other aspect of your life, including your physical health and emotional stability. It can provide a stable platform to move forward in meeting other life goals, such as having children, career moves and checking off items on your bucket list! You can enjoy the connection, intimacy and communication that you deserve.

With Couples Counseling, You Can Find Healing and Strength

Your relationship is important. I invite you to email me for a free 15-minute phone consultation. I’m happy to answer any questions you have couples counseling or my practice.